


Revenge Is A Dish Best Served With Bunk Beds

by Kerjen



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Humor, Humor, The Pond Family - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-04
Updated: 2015-05-04
Packaged: 2018-03-29 00:57:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3876367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kerjen/pseuds/Kerjen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Amy decides: Enough is enough or River is never going to stop.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Revenge Is A Dish Best Served With Bunk Beds

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Starjargon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starjargon/gifts).



> Gifted to Starjargon because I mentioned this idea to her and she said, "I need this!"

The Doctor slipped past River as he moved around the console. One of them shifted so their bodies brushed against each other, his front across her rear. Definitely her, but probably both of them made sure it happened. He began setting the controls to launch the Tardis off for the next adventure.

“Have you thought about what you want to do, River?”

“Just you, Sweetie.”

That made the tenth suggestive comment in the past seven minutes. Including:

“I speak multiple languages, Doctor, including English, Gallifreyan, sarcasm, and innuendo.”

“I know I’m being naughty, Sweetie. I’m trying to save Santa a trip.”

He said, “You bad, bad girl, River,” and she replied, "Only if I’m doing right."

Rory was nearly fetal on the floor from having to listen to all of it. Amy could take more than he could, but she had her limits and River disregarding her father’s discomfort crossed that line a lot quicker.

Her daughter had made a fatal error. She forgot how well her mother knew her. Amy moved across the console room to Rory and slipped into his lap. She pulled his willing arms around her. “You just reminded me. I said something like that to Rory on our honeymoon.”

River froze. So did the Doctor, but that wasn’t the point or a surprise.

“Well, not our honeymoon. It was our wedding night here on the Tardis.”

Her daughter’s shoulders hunched like they could cover her ears.

“Did you know we had bunk beds? I don’t remember if I told you when you were Mels. No lie, though, the Doctor actually made bunk beds for our room.”

Those hands usually so deft on the Tardis’ controls now darted about without focus.

“Imagine how tough those are to maneuver in. I mean, _think_ about it, River.”

Even River Song didn’t want to think about that. Not about her _parents_.

“It means we made you in the bunk beds.”

Now their daughter was the one almost fetal on the floor.

Rory -- _Rory_ \-- dealt the crippling blow. “Or on the ladder.”  

That did it. River practically ran from the room. The Doctor followed with a somewhat anxious, “River?” like he was to blame. He had made the bunk beds after all. She moved several steps away from him and stiff armed his approach.

“Don’t, Doctor! Don’t touch me, don’t talk to me, don’t come near me -- just stay on the other side of the ship!”

“River! I didn’t know --” He ran after her.

Amy snuggled back against Rory’s chest. “That shut her up.”

**Author's Note:**

> Note: The bunk beds vs ladder joke is from a twitter exchange between Steven Moffat, Neil Gaiman, and a River fan.
> 
> I did look up great innuendo exchanges a little while ago for this story and I think I used one or two -- the multiple languages and the Santa one. I honestly don’t remember which ones I created myself and which of them slipped into my subconscious. lol


End file.
